Could, Would, Should?

A new year brings new resolutions, but will this one stick for our intrepid (older) party goer?

8:23am.

How can an alarm clock be soo bright I have to squint to look at it. It’s supposed to wake me up gently.

Not entirely sure what day it is, though a nice surprise rolling over to find the someone from last night decided to stay.

Becki. Or was it Lori. It’s definitely not Heidi. Ah well, doesn’t matter really. Someone I can spoon with. Good start to the morning.

I was supposed to be settling down this year. It was the big promise I made myself last year. But January 1^st has come and seriously gone. There were too many parties, people to see, too many numbers collected. Good intention definitely went out the window last night. I didn’t even get to “quitters day”.

I scoot up behind her, drape my arm over her waist. She rouses a little, pulls my arm to her chest and snuggles back into my body. Well, whatever I was planning to do today won’t be starting any time soon.

My manager had that talk with me. That I’m too old to be partying, it’s affecting my “image”, that I should be calming it down. “You’ll become part of the loneliness epidemic”. Whatever that is. I can’t say I’m that lonely, I can have someone with me every night. I think I’d get bored if it was always the same person.

I kiss her shoulder. She smells sweet. I recognise the perfume, can’t remember the name of it. Smells good all the same. It’s almost enough to make me forget the headache pounding in my head.

I know, it’s my own fault. My doctor has been warning me for years. It will all catch up with me. I did cut down on the drinking, and I’ve never taken a lot of other things anyway. Just the odd something every now and then. That’s all frowned upon, yet not the magic blue pills. I’m allowed those, with all their side effects. Don’t think I took one last night. Don’t remember needing one.

What’s the difference if I take something less prescription now and then. I did stop smoking. Kinda. More vapes and social smoking these days. I could do with a smoke now. And I need to keep headache tablets nearer the bed.

Gym routine is going well though. The girls like it. What can I say, they adore me. I’m good to look at, fun to be with, who wouldn’t want to be with me.

Yeah, ok. The May-December age gap last time was a bit big. She was stunning though, we didn’t do a lot of talking. I’ll settle at some point. Might as well try them out while I can. They have less a baggage than people my age, I have enough shit going on, I don’t need to deal with theirs as well.

And they aren’t that much younger than me, I drew the line on that before it was the new “done thing”. Although I’ve been noticing a new attitude. “Impeding on my peace.” That was a new one. No longer competing with other men, I’m competing with her ablity to sit quietly and read a book. I liked her. I would have calmed it down for her.

Whoever is next to me feels amazing. I run my hand down her whole body, she’s a perfect thing. No boob job. She rolls over and stokes my face, pretty face too, not too plastic for a change. She kisses me. Oh God. That kiss, the reason I brought her home. Maybe she’ll stay for longer than coffee and croissant, and I can take my time to taste her all over again.

That big birthday is coming up this year. The next batch of 30-looking 40 year olds are in the background, chasing the same girls as me. The greys are coming, and they certainly aren’t giving “silver fox”. I’ve got to see the optometrist next week for reading glasses. My friends are all “settling down”, the party invites are getting less and less. The house is feeling empty in the evenings.

She tastes so good. I hope she does stay. She gets up and saunters to the bathroom, sashaying her hips as she goes. Oh, I could watch her all day. Can’t say I’ve lost the charm if I can bring home a creature like this.

Charm is all I need really. I can still light up a room. And yeas I know could, would, should all have different meanings. I guess I’m a bit more could, would, why not?

But maybe this is the year I focus on one girl. This one would certainly hold my attention for a time. I really want someone I want to come home to. More of a lady than a girl. Someone I’ll miss when they aren’t there. Someone who can come to parties, but equally snuggle on the sofa for movie night. Someone to go off into the sunset with. Maybe have kids with. Or not. That might be pushing it. Let’s face it, I can’t even deal with pets.

My phone pings. Ava. Wondering where I went last night. If I’m free later. Another girl that tastes really good.

I message back that I’ll speak to her later, that my head hurts too much at the moment. She sends me back a selfie from her bed, telling me I can nurse my hangover there. Just enough showing for me to know she’s naked under the sheet.

Ah fuck it, why should I settle yet? It’s a free world, I’m not doing anything illegal. Generally speaking. I still have the smile, the sparkle in my eyes.

I message her that I’ll be over in a bit.

Just after I’ve finished here. She’s walking back from the bathroom. With a lingering kiss takes the phone from my hand, puts it out of sight in my bedside drawer, her other hand running up my leg. Like she’s read my mind.

She climbs on me, and takes her kiss down my body. God, it feels amazing. She knows how to work me. I close my eyes.

And all I can think about is Ava.

Maybe next year.